My mother has always told me never to waste any food. A very motherly quote I’m sure, but she engraved that into my head like a gentle drill seargent. She made sure that I shall never leave even one grain of rice in my bowl before I was finished and rushed to watch television.

Some mothers use the whole guilt-trip thing to make sure kids don’t waste food (you know, with references to children in impoverished countries), but my mother was a little more creative. When I was just a small innocent Chinese boy, she claimed that any residual items from your bowl after meal completion will be translated to your “wife’s” face. Let me give you an example. If three grains of rice are left in your bowl, then there will be three blemishes, moles, and other dots that could appear on your “wife’s” face.

Call me pretentious, but I was avid to ensure no residue rice fairy (not me) is going to get between my “wife” and “her” face.

It’s funny how things that were instilled as a child are still subconsciously done when you’re older.

… which brings me to that period in the term when I stare at the fridge, turn on my thinking caps, and see what dishes I can make with the remaining food that I have.

It’s always the worst time of the term for food, because there is usually a reasonable explanation as to why that particular edible item is still in the fridge. It’s either:

1. just undesired
2. it’s processed, or
3. it’s undesired and processed

The following are my latest creations.

Dish 1: Testicular Eggs
Tonight, I managed to make meatball omelettes with frozen vegetables— and boy was it gross. First of all, I was retarded to not have chopped up the meatballs into to more manageable chucks. Instead, it looked, well, like a man with one too many balls— very round ones. Second of all, I was retarded enough to buy the crappy Our Compliments brand. It tasted like bad meat— and my mom also says don’t eat bad meat.

Shawn warned me before when we were at the Sobey’s but I didn’t listen. Suprisingly, the brand’s rising crust pizza is magnificent! But now, I know better.

Dish 2: Bread Quiche
Last night, I took my month-old bread from the freeze, and used each slice as the crust for quiche. I used my roomates muffin tray, poured some eggs in, dumped some processed cheedar cheese and peppers and voila! I’ve got bread quiche. Woo! And it’s good too!

I should take over as the Naked Chinese Chef.

Dish 3: Clam Chowder Medley
Put some canned Clam Chowder soup, canned tuna, chopped up broccoli, and you get Matt’s specialty Clam Chowder Medley. It’s pretty disgusting, you’d think that it’s safe to put two fish products together, and again I was wrong. Regardless, it was still edible.

I have some Fried Dace (????) in my kitchen cabinet. I should’ve put some of that in there too— every Chinese family’s gross staple.

Now for a conclusion to my again long-winded entry:

1. Food experimenting is fun.


2. All this processed food is going to make me fat.