I officially declare the following people need to be shot.

• The person who invented suits


• The person or persons who established suits as the understood business attire for men

Let me get grab some bullets at Wal-Mart and off we go.

Maybe it was wrong of me to shoot the former, because I agree that suits are sexy, and as an extension of that, suits often make men look sexy / sexier (…give me a moment to ponder), but I hate to wonder, why isn’t there a more accommodating business fashion protocol for the Summer?

We’ve been recently holding several multi-stakeholder roundtables at work and the boss-man wants me to represent the Ministry as he puts it, “professional business chic.” Ever since I was a little boy, my mom has told me to check up on the weather so that you can dress accordingly. Needless to say, wearing a suit in extreme heat alerts is not what you call dressing for the weather. To make me even more glistening in perspiration, the Ontario Government has issued energy conservation efforts across all buildings in the city, which leaves office temperatures at about 24 to 25 degrees. Don’t get me wrong, I commend the Government’s initiative to set a good example for the rest of the province, but I swear there was a layer of dripping sweat concealed under the layers of suffocating cotton, and I’m sure many men at the meeting can concur.

My question is, who the fuck decided that suits be the understood fashion for business? Why hasn’t there been some public upheaval of men to stand up and refuse to wear something that is absurdly inappropriate for the summer climate?

I refuse to believe that men out their enjoying sweating in their suits in scorchingly humid conditions. I refuse to believe that men out there want to make little personal saunas for themselves. And I utterly refuse to believe men enjoy showing off their wet marks on the back of their dress shirts… as purely evident in the office.

For that reason, I would like to start a grassroots coalition for wearing weather-appropriate attire in the workplace, with particular emphasis on stigmatizing suits as being overdressed in the Summertime.

Who’s with me? Probably no one, but that’s okay.

On a side note, what I find most irritating is that there is definitely a fashion gender injustice in the workplace and it is most evident in the summer months. While men are expected to at least sport a dress shirt, tie, dress pants and dress shoes, females can pretty much get away with wearing almost anything; anything from fitted tees, low-rise dark-coloured denim, sandals, shorts-that-appear-to-be-skirts, capris, spaghetti straps- the list goes on. In the office, sporting a polo on “Uncasual Mondays to Thursdays” would be considered being underdressed and be given this unspoken word that I’ve violated the eternal sins of the office environment.

Where’s the equality? If ladies can wear spaghetti straps to work, so can I. Hmm, maybe only its equivalent. If ladies could wear shorts-that-appear-to-be-skirts, then men could at least wear khaki dress shorts- not that you would catch me ever sporting that, but that is besides the point. Men everywhere need to stand up and fight for fashion equality.

Sadly sometimes, it seems to be true what they say: girls definitely have more fun.

I think I have pussy-envy… sometimes. (Take that, Freud)

Don’t worry, I’m in no rush to get a sex change.