Update:
Wow, it’s almost been a week. Oh my, its been a long long gruesome week with nothing to do. Oh my gosh, remember when I said my big boss (since everyone I work for is my boss, I have to diffrentiate) was ill? Well, he’s all better, but he hasn’t been in! He’s not in, thus, I cannot do any work. Instead, I’ve been delivering packages, sending stuff to UW Graphics, typing— and still the majority of the time is doing nothing. Hehe, the question is: should I be complaining? This has sparked a somewhat big debate with my roommates.

Our lovely house on Amos has a new roommate, Gary. He’s a friend of mine originally a friend of Shima’s. This will be interesting, Gary’s a pretty cool guy— he works at Curry in a Hurry at the University Plaza. lol. Roommates have been generally okay— except for the physical fighting at times; they do this a lot. It’s weird because I don’t see much of this— since Mr. Skinny (me) doesn’t and can’t fight. They makes a lot of noise (at reasonable hours), and goes ‘boom boom.’ Paul has been sleeping early— which is relieving some of my troubles from last term. and perhaps because I’m not as intolerant as last term, things are going well, I suppose.

Here we go,
On another note, one thing I’ve noticed is that I think too much. Especially when I’m here in Waterloo, I find it difficult to effectively and to fully trust a person to speak of my problems, my fears, and simply what’s on my mind. Do you know sometimes, you just need some kind of assurance that everything will be okay? I tell people things, usually because (1) I need a second opinion about my thoughts and (2) Just so that someone knows what I’m thinking and what’s going on. Seeking advice is usually not my objective, as often my problems are petty, recurring and unresolvable.

Indeed, I know that I’ll be okay surviving the Winter here; I’ve done it before. But sometimes, it gives me comfort when someone is there for me, so-to-speak. That someone is readily available keep an eye out on me. That someone knows exactly what’s on my mind. Sometimes, I fear that one day I’m just going to go insane and explode and that no one would be aware of what has gotten into me. I’m sure its not likely to happen (touch wood), however, that’s what I fear.

That’s perhaps why I miss my parents so much. I have learned one thing from going to university. Well, two things: (1) I should have gone to U of T (lol) and (2) To appreciate and honour your parents. (I need to work on the “honour” part). You don’t realize how important they are, and how much they contribute to our lives, until they are no longer present to do that; but I guess that’s how life is— we learn to appreciate something only when it is no longer here.

Parents are perhaps the only people who you can truly count on at any time. Without a doubt, I have good friends— no, I have GREAT friends— friends that I can speak my mind about, friends I can count on, friends that understand what I’m feeling, but understandably, they should and must put their needs first.

That’s what I feel when I’m here in Waterloo; I feel alone. There isn’t that occasional physical checkup on me— to see how I am doing. I could die in some snow warphole tomorrow and no one would know (at least for a few days). Freedom is actually quite scary to tell you the truth. Freedom comes at a huge expense. I wish I could be closer to my roommates; I still am very superficial around them— as I don’t feel that trust-vibe between us. And me sitting in front of a computer all day at work by myself in my office doesn’t help at all about not thinking about loneliness. That’s why I hate Waterloo so much— not because of the horrible and overpriced food, not because of the lack of things to do (b/c there is), not because it smells like shit. If I was a permanent resident in Waterloo (tho God forbid), and studying in Toronto, I’d probably be feeling the same thing.

I think that’s a wrap ladies and gents.

“When Christ said: “I was hungry and you fed me,” he didn’t mean only the hunger for bread and for food; he also meant the hunger to be loved. Jesus himself experienced this loneliness. He came amongst his own and his own received him not, and it hurt him then and it has kept on hurting him. The same hunger, the same loneliness, the same having no one to be accepted by and to be loved and wanted by. Every human being in that case resembles Christ in his loneliness; and that is the hardest part, that’s real hunger.”

— Mother Teresa